


How to raise a future villain the right way

by UnknownCharacter (UnknownRegion)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Historical, Cats, Clan Politics, Comedy of Errors, Family Drama, Gen, Hidden Reincarnator, Kid Fic, MC keeps mixing up the genres, Tramigration, Try to guess who, Unreliable Narrator, Warring States Period (Naruto)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-11-08 18:17:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20839925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownRegion/pseuds/UnknownCharacter
Summary: Being transmigrated into the body of oneUchiha Tajimais not something a 21st-century hikikomori with a bucket full of anxieties appreciates. Furthermore, what do you mean this is not the right way to raise a kid, you damn reincarnator?! 凸(｀⌒´メ)凸





	1. To become the villain's father

One second he was leisurely watching Naruto on his laptop, and the next he was sandwiched between two warm bodies _sans_ laptop. This was not something Kai had been expecting when he blinks. However, it didn't take his system long to process that there are _strangers_ in his safe haven, _in his bed_, which resulted in him bolting, his misanthropic tendencies rearing its ugly head as he flees the room.

With his heart pounding in his ears and his lungs stuck in his throat, Kai leans his clammy forehead heavily against the wooden door, his trembling fingers working their hardest to lock it. He lost track of how long he just stood there panicking, his breathing harsh and his body drenched in a layer of cold sweat, but when he snaps out of it, he notices that he wasn't wearing his usual coffee-stained baggy tracksuit. They had been replaced by a... yukata? _What_?

A sense of unease fills him as he moves his sight towards his (_wrong, wrong, wrong) _hands, both scarred and heavily calloused; as if they were used to hard work. His mouth went dry when veins bulged easily the second he clenches these foreign appendages, experimentally turning them _this_ and _that_ way. Despite the excessive overlapping of scars, they were oddly beautiful, with slender digits and trimmed nails, resulting in them looking like fine pieces of jade. If not for the blemishes, he would have thought that these hands belonged to a hand model. When accessorized, eyes would undoubtedly be attracted to them.

Kai knew that he was disassociating pretty badly because of how absurd his 'escape from reality mechanism' was acting. But how could he not, when all he could think about was how fantasy-like his current situation seems to be? It somehow made him feel like he was a character in those stupidly addictive transmigration web novels. After all, how could an affluent shut-in such as himself develop such manly scars and callouses overnight?

Ripping his sight away from those hands, he quickly scans his surroundings. Maybe he could find a mirror to check if he was still himself or he had really... transmigrated into a body not his own.

The room he had rushed into, it seems, was a bathroom. It had the wooden style of those really old, traditional Japanese bathrooms, with a wide wooden bath dominating half the room, a wooden cabinet, and something that looked like a wooden bedpan - _chamber pot?_ \- near his feet. Kai couldn't help but blanch. There was no way a pampered young master like him could survive without indoor plumbing.

Despite being a hikikomori, Kai has a habit of staying sparkly clean. His house wasn't filled with trash since good hygiene meant a better quality of life, and a better quality of life meant a lesser chance of falling ill, which results in No! Doctor! Visits!

With his head cradled in his arms, Kai silently wept. If he had truly transmigrated, why couldn't he have gone to another _modern_ alternate universe, or the future, or sometime _after_ indoor plumbing was invented?!

... _Wait a darny darn second. _

Suddenly, dread filled his entire being as his thoughts broadened.

If there was no indoor plumbing... Could there possibly be no internet as well?

Kai suddenly feels faint and had to sit down.

Change his habits from urinating and defecating into a toilet bowl to a chamber pot? It might take a while, but he would get used to it sooner or later. However... To ask him to adapt to the lack of the _internet_? To the lack of computer technology? To the lack of anime? To the lack of _online delivery_?! **_Simply_ _impossible!_**

Kai hasn't taken a step out of this house since he graduated _middle school_. Seeing that he is now a middle-aged man living off of his inheritance, it doesn't take a genius to put together that he has spent _half_ of his life indoors. Food, clothes, toys, _everything_ was bought online and delivered to his doorstep. Even then, there would always be one special instruction to the courier to leave his deliveries at the door and gtfo from his driveway so that he wouldn't have to interact face-to-face.

As if his body could not endure even the slightest thoughts of going outdoors, Kai's brain completely shut down and couldn't reboot.

... But _that_ was the least of his problems.

As soon as his soul started to drift out from his lips, he felt a sharp and sudden pain radiate from his head.

His lips parted, but he couldn't even scream, his jaws locked achingly. All he could do was tug at his hair fiercely - _anything_ to alleviate the pain. Memories not his own soon started to flood in, bulldozing into his mind with the recklessness and ferocity of a rabid dog. Slowly, he starts to understand that this body originally belongs to a man name _Uchiha Tajima_.

(_He sees and experiences being born. Being named. Being wiped and showered. Learning how to talk. How to crawl. How to walk. How to run. How to hold a kunai. How to kill. How to follow all of his father's orders. To be married young. To father children when he was still a child himself. To be a shinobi. To understand what it meant to be an heir of the Uchiha clan. To watch impassively as the bonds between siblings shatter due to infighting. To die in the hands of an unknown poisoner at the age of twenty._)

When he came to, Kai was already on the ground, dazed, shivering, and feeling out of sorts; as if he had just had an out of body experience mixed with lucid dreaming. And much to his horror, he started to feel irregular bursts of pain and pleasure that Tajima had experienced throughout his life, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. 

In the end, he shakily reaches for the chamber pot and regurgitates dinner. _Tajima's_ dinner.

To experience the life _and_ death of Uchiha Tajima as if he was in a VR simulation, in _**first POV**_ , could be summed in one word; _wretched_.


	2. Chapter 2

It didn't take long for one _'Uchiha Tajima'_ to start to hyperventilate inside his bedroom's adjoined bathroom, curled in a tight ball with his face pressed against his knees and his two arms thrown haphazardly over his head; definitely not a position the _original_ _goods_ would ever be caught dead in.

But _Kai_ couldn't help it; his future looks bleak from _all_ angles. There were just too many factors in play that could cause this body an early death, and Kai just didn't want to deal with any of them all. His usual solution to any sort of problem was to ignore it until it went away (_what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over_), but with his current predicament, it would take a miracle for that sort of thing to work.

To list the number one concern of all bloody concerns; Tajima was an important figure in the clan, one of the leading candidates for the future position of clan head. That meant that _everyone's_ eyes were on him, more enemies than friendlies. In addition to _that_, because of the political standing the original goods has with the clan, Kai would be forced to interact with people. _Daily_.

Insert shudder.

Kai, a person who suffers from anxiety disorders, would be like a trembling bunny whenever a wayward delivery man discards his special instruction to gtfo after placing the deliveries on his front door and knocks on his door. With his condition in mind, how was he supposed to interact with anybody?! He has no choice but to swallow this bitter pill ah!

All he could do right now was to pretend to be Tajima, lest everyone becomes suspicious of him and kill him under the guise of him being a spy, just to cut down the competition to the _crown_.

The only benefit(_?_) that came out of this entire mess was this body's residual memories. Those terrible, terrible memories. They showed him how to _become_ Tajima, or at least, how to create a mask that could professionally _impersonate_ Tajima.

Fortunately, in spite of those memories that were on repeat inside his head, it seems that he still retained his own personality, _Kai's_ personality. He had thought that Tajima's memory would invoke some sort of _change_ within him, but reality proved disappointing. It didn't do anything apart from frightening him to death!

<strike> _(How could he possibly notice the gradual and subtle changes beginning to occur within himself? Without his knowledge, 'Tajima' had already taught him how to compartmentalize for now.)_ </strike>

_Tsk_, he hasn't done anything but panic, yet he already wants to return to Earth.

Sighing deeply, he performs deep breathing exercises.

Unexpectedly, it didn't take him that long to recover from his state of panic. Well, whatever. For now, he would go with the flow and try his hardest to adapt. He doesn't know if he would ever be able to go back to Earth, but he would stubbornly survive this stupid _isekai, transmigration _bullshit.

He uncurled from his foetal position and stood with shaky legs next to the bath, contemplating for a moment, before disrobing.

With the help of Tajima's brain and muscle memory, Kai performed a set of handseals and spat out enough chakra-made water to fill the bath, followed shortly by a small fireball, hot enough to instantly warm the water. Without further ado, he sinks into the tub and stares unseeingly at the ceiling.

Ok, first, let's calm down and prioritize.

At present, he could be at ease with the knowledge that he could manipulate chakra and perform jutsus just fine. That experiment pretty much proves that he was capable of doing anything that the original goods has learned prior to his body snatching.

Taijutsu, on the other hand, he was unsure about. Despite this being the original goods' body and having incredible muscle memory, _Kai_ was currently the one seated behind the wheel. He doesn't know if he would be able to drive this body without complications during a fight or if he would be able to coldly _run someone under his tyres_-

Scrunching his eyebrows, he halts those train of thoughts and forces himself to adjust his mentality, easily ignoring the way the hot steam clung relaxingly to his flushed skin. Seeing that he would now be living in a war-ridden era, it was rather obvious what his answer should be.

"*_When in Rome, do as the Romans do,*_" he monotonously quoted in a soft whisper. Lifting a hand to eye level, he dispassionately watches as drops of water slowly roll down the pale and foreign forearm, "*Will I be able to do it? _Heh_. A pointless question. It doesn't matter... If I don't, I'll die.*"

He has read enough transmigration web novels to know that he needed to discard such 'modern Earth' way of thinking. Such naive thoughts would lead to nothing but his death.

In order to survive, he would need to learn how to compartmentalize; to compose himself as a person from this world, from this _era_. In addition to that stressful shinobi life, home life was equally as horrible. If he were to pull his punches, everyone in the clan would doubt _Tajima's_ capabilities. For the sake of his future (_for Madara's and Izuna's future_), he couldn't allow that to happen.

To become the clan head in the Uchiha clan, there were conditions required to be met;

1) Only those who are born from the main branch can become candidates;

2) All five Elders will have to select an individual, out of all the candidates, to educate;

3) Upon the death of the clan head, the remaining candidates (_up to five_) will fight in a battle royale to determine the strongest.

With such a bloody and barbarian-esque tradition still ongoing to this day, Kai could only presume that because Madara was the strongest of his generation, he became the clan head as per canon and discontinued such practices after Konoha was built. However, before Madara, it had been Tajima (_despite how faulty the original goods' personality had been_).

That meant that Kai _couldn't afford_ to show any weakness. From the original goods' memory, all of Tajima's brothers, uncles, cousins, and aunts were scheming bastards, and it was probably one of them who had poisoned the original goods, leading to Kai's soul to be trapped in this slag guy's body. If Tajima had been a decent bloke, Kai would've pitied him for such a tragic demise. Too bad Tajima was the scummiest scum he has ever had the displeasure of 'meeting'.

In the Warring States Era, it was kill or be killed. Kai, unlike the original goods, refuses to be the latter. If he needed to commit _familicide_ to be crowned head of the Uchiha clan and ensure the survival of one of the most beloved antagonists in the Naruto series, then so be it.

Somehow, Kai finds it hard to swallow this sudden change of _genre_.

He was supposed to be transmigrated into a _shounen_ anime, full of action and adventure, yet from the memories he received, all of Tajima's ridiculous family politics reminded him far too much of his guilty pleasure; clichéd historical themed Chinese dramas. Mostly about imperial families trying to one-up each other to become the Emperor, or those imperial consorts in the harem trying to gain the Emperor's favor by sabotaging their fellow concubines... or even killing the Emperor himself to become the Empress Dowager! Simply too terrifying!

He could only shake his head powerlessly at this strange comparison and bitterly prepare himself for a lot of schemes and mindfuckery from his fellow concu- _candidates_ in the future. What a truly horrid future.

Even then, Kai woefully hopes from the bottom of his heart that he would _never_ ever encounter such scenarios in real life. If he was forced to use such shameful 'concubines one-upping-the-other tactics' gained through watching those dramas, he wouldn't be able to reminiscence about the Naruto anime without historical Chinese drama tropes butchering and infecting everything. Way to ruin his childhood! Simply too hateful!

_Rumble_

Kai: "..." Brother stomach, can't you read the atmosphere? Why are you being disruptive at a time like this? Ai, truly embarrassing!

He facepalmed.

Forget it.

Since he was already up, he should get something to eat. No use brooding since it won't change his situation, anyway. When Kai deemed himself ready to leave the bath, skin all pruney and wrinkly due to the long soak, dawn has only just arrived, having spent the entire night in the bathroom.

After wiping his newly acquired body dry, he retrieves a fundoshi and awkwardly wears the old fashion undergarment with reddish cheeks, unsure of where to put his hands without being invasive. Although he was pretty much ashamed of touching another person's body without permission (_not that Tajima _could _give it, mind_), he couldn't help but scrutinize the chiseled yet slender body with envious eyes; truly a hateful slag man. No wonder all the green tea bitches flock to Tajima despite the man's married status.

Hesitatingly tugging at the fundoshi to assure that it won't suddenly come undone, he slips into a long-sleeved mesh armor next, going under a navy blue high collared mantle with the Uchiwa fan sewed at the back, the garment's sleeves long enough to hide the tips of his fingers. The last piece of Tajima's usual outfit was a pair of black pants, with bandages wrapped from the ankles up to the knees, making sure that the ends of the fabric would not flap and create unnecessary sounds when he walks.

After trying to futilely comb his hair down for a couple of minutes, fussing over how the top kept springing up much like a duck's butt, he angrily gives up on styling his hair and starts to pat himself down to confirm that everything was in place. With trepidation, he places a trembling hand on the door's handle, lips pursed as he encourages himself to officially meet Tajima's family, starting with his wife first.

What he encountered as soon as he stepped foot into his bedroom, however, left him cursing at his crow's beak. He has truly jinxed himself.

* * *

* * *

* * *

**Character Status**

**Name:** Liu Kai / Uchiha Tajima

**Age:** 35 / 20

**Race:** Chinese / Japanese

**Circumstances:** Transmigrated person currently in Narutoverse Warring States Era, received the original goods' memories

**Goals:** Flawlessly integrate into Tajima's life, become the clan head

**State of mind:** Miserable, unable to accept the change of genre

**Standing within the clan:** Prestigious

**Standing within the household:** Precarious

**Standing within the clan's main branch:** Pugnacious

**Latest outstanding accomplishment:** Had a panic attack the size of Mt Fuji, jinxed himself

**Inner complains:** "Why is there no indoor plumbing?!", "Why do I have dog shit luck?!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chinese sayings:**
> 
> **Crow's beak:** An unlucky mouth that brings misfortune. Example:  
Tajima: "I have a bad feeling that everything's gonna go downhill from here onwards..."  
Kai: "Oi! Shut your crow's beak this instance! Why are you tempting fate?!"
> 
> **Green tea bitches:** A green tea bitch is that deceptive combination of an innocent appearance and a stone-cold bitch heart. Calculating and tricksy, green tea bitches badmouth other girls and make unsuspecting men pay for their shopping, etc. Example: "If the weather is clear, let's go shopping this weekend — but don't tell your wife."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ying ying ying (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ) the tears won't stop.

If there existed a higher being in this world, then they must be sadistic fucks that have allowed their conscience to be eaten by stray dogs. Not only did Kai's first encounter with a resident in this world fall short, but it also proved that someone above finds his misery to be highly entertaining. He was going to raise a beautiful middle finger at them before going to bed tonight to show how unamused he was.

A pained groan interrupted his internal screeching and he twitched violently at the sound, his '_escape from reality_' mechanism cut short in the face of overwhelming anxiety. He flails, reaching for a pocket and a cellphone that wasn't there, and it only made him panic more when he remembers his current whereabouts - where ambulance services were _literally non-existent_.

Fortunately, just as Kai was about to have one of the worst epic meltdowns in history, Tajima's cold hard instincts took over.

There were two women in Tajima's futon; pale, sweaty and frothing at the mouth. A split second was all it took for an inner switch to flip. Looks like it hadn't been just the original goods that got poisoned.

There was no time for his misanthropic tendencies to make an appearance once instincts took control of his actions. It felt as if all control had left him, as if he was hovering over Tajima's body and looking down at it as it made a mad dash towards the groaning women, meticulously counting their pulse whilst scrutinizing them for more symptoms that could help with identifying which poison was currently in their system.

Kai was confused at first when his new body suddenly stood up and ran, abandoning the women to their twitching and groaning. With the help of Tajima's shinobi education, however, it didn't take him long to connect the dots. He prays to Jashin he was wrong in his assumption. Uncaring about the roughness of his actions, he slams the shoji doors open on his way out, undoubtedly breaking them whilst at it.

As soon as he was inside his- _Tajima's_ children's bedroom, he blanched. Two children were lying unconscious on the lone futon inside the room, and after taking a split second to confirm their identities using Tajima's memories, Kai once again flails. The two buns were having a violent seizure, frothing at their mouths like the two women, and having similar yet more severe symptoms.

Kai didn't hesitate to rush out of the house and dash towards the clan's infirmary, which was, fortunately, not far from their home. The healers startle at his loud and unexpected entrance, but he didn't care about his disheveled appearance right now; windblown hair, crazy eyes, and bare feet were unimportant in the face of saving _Madara'_s and _Izuna'_s lives. The Naruto series won't be fucking Naruto without its antagonists!

He can't remember what kind of jumbled alien speak he barked out, but his words were understood and it made two healers pack all of their equipment in a rush. Without further ado, they sprinted to Tajima's house post-haste, and when he anxiously calculates that they were moving too slow, he didn't care about men-women boundaries in this era and wrapped his arms around both the healer's waist, throwing them over his shoulders and speeding up.

They were compliant, only struggling for a few seconds before relaxing at his manhandling. He mentally notes to ask for their forgiveness after all this was over, knowing that his action was more inclined towards sexual harassment, no matter how pure his thoughts were.

As soon as he entered Madara's and Izuna's shared bedroom via the destroyed window curtesy of Kai's earlier loss of composure, the healers dropped to their knees by the children's bedside and started unpacking their tools.

Kai loomed and hovered behind them and got kicked out for being too loud in his fretting. Ok fine. He deserved that. It, however, didn't stop him from anxiously biting the nail of his thumb and pacing back and forth outside the bedroom door. It felt like half a day, but only half an hour passed before one of the healers came out and demanded to see the other patients.

Kai was then guiltily reminded of the other two who were still suffering in his room and quickly guided her there. The healer only gave a slight pause at the sight of Tajima's infidelity before she resumed her professionalism and proceeded to extract the poison. Whilst she did that, she began to educate him about the aftercare dos and don'ts of poisoned victims.

Kai's mind was too distracted, however. His primary focus lay solely on the children's health. He'd rather be there with them than remain here, listening to _nothing but muffled white noise_, to alleviate the anxiety he feels. Just as Tajima's manicured thumb was all but destroyed by his gnawing, he was startled into head jerking when the healer physically had to extract herself from the patient to hold his shoulders.

Breathe.

He needs to breathe.

Butshewastouchinghimletgopleasestoptouchinghim-

She, _thankfully_, took a step back and returned to treating the patients. He was able to breathe like a normal human again. Before he could flee, she spoke. It wasn't white noise this time.

"Tajima-sama. I'm doing my best at extracting the poison. However, they will remain in critical condition from overexposure. Furthermore, it is unfortunate that I am unable to do anything about their pregnancies. I'm afraid that the poison has circulated inside their bodies for too long, they've already miscarriage."

... Healing lady say what now?

_Pregnancies_? As in _plural _pregnancy? Tajima only has one wife, _one_! Not two! _What the fuck_. Scum! How shameless were you to not only demand a threesome but also impregnate your mistress in front of your unwilling wife?! Really too disgusting ah! A slag man through and through! _Pei pei pei_!

Kai wanted to vomit blood.

Sure, he has body dysphoria once in a while (_he hates humans but he's human so yuck_), but never to the extent of wanting to claw his own skin out. To be in the body of a fuckboy when in mind he was an asexual... Kai was beyond pale and had to bring up a hand to cover his mouth. He feared he would puke if he didn't.

"If I may be so bold... after I am done with treating them, will you allow me to check you for poisoning as well, Tajima-sama?"

Kai almost broke out in hives. He really, _really_ didn't need this right now. "N-no, there's no need-"

The healer wasn't having it, however. She cut him off with a no-nonsense, firm tone, "There might be a chance that slow-acting poison had been used on you. Your skin has turned pallor and your forehead is covered in cold sweat."

"I'm fine-"

"I apologize, but I must insist that you allow me to check your health to avoid future problems!"

"I'd rather not."

"May I ask why?"

"... I don't feel sick."

"That's not an excuse."

Fuck. Whatever! He would agree and then flee. Pigs would fly before he ever complies with a medical checkup. To have someone else touch him? Fuck no. Gross.

"... Right. Fine. Is that all?"

"Yes, Tajima-sama. Thank you for your understanding."

"... Yeah. Sure."

With a grimace, he shuffles into the bathroom and shuts the door. Okay. Not a day into his transmigration and he had already fucked up Madara's BG plot. Great. Uchiha Madara was supposed to lose his younger brothers at war. Not infighting. What was he supposed to do now?

Kai buries his face into his palms and slides into a foetal position.

He fucked up.

He seriously fucked up.

If it had been the original goods, he would have realized sooner that his family had been poisoned along with him. If he had acted sooner, the two women would not have miscarried and Madara would have _four_ younger brothers, not just _Izuna_. One of the two must have been carrying twins. Or he was forgetting something. But he was too distracted to think too much about it.

Even with Tajima's memories, Kai was inexperienced at dealing with interfamily feuds.

Okay. What's done was done. Time to brainstorm. The question should be; what can he do to set the plot back into place? Impregnate Tajima's wife three more times?

Kai's whole body broke out in hives just at the mental image of having sex with anyone. He was an asexual male with misanthropic issues. Just because he transmigrated into someone else's body did not mean he would have their sex drive. Sexual orientation differs from person to person. _Personality_ differs from person to person.

He breathes.

That was all he could do right now.

Just breathe.

* * *

It took someone knocking on the bathroom door to snap him out of his misery. Exhaling, he grabs a copper mirror (_which was ancient FYI_). Better look the part of Tajima if he wants to live Tajima's life from now on.

The man that was reflected in the mirror made him gag, however. He had to swallow down the urge to laugh hysterically at the reflection's expression, which was almost unhinged. The short undercut bob was a mess and its pair of dark eyes crazed.

Kai uses his mantle's long sleeves to hide his trembling hands from sight.

Uchiha Tajima's features were aristocratic and handsome, looking no older than twenty. Damn if he hates how handsome the original goods was. How can someone with such a disgusting personality have such a beautiful outward appearance? God truly was hateful.

Biting his lower lip, Kai could feel a throb of indignant radiating from his heart.

His hair color, skin color, eye color, features, and ethnicity were all _wrong_.

Kai was _supposed_ to have brown hair, darker skin, and hazel eyes. The reflection's, _Tajima's_, has black hair, pale skin, and black eyes. Its cheeks were filled and far too healthy without an ounce of undereye bags or dark circles that insomniacs have.

It was all _wrong_. Kai hates it. More than usual.

"Tajima-sama?" A feminine voice drifted into the bathroom, muffled by the door, but loud enough to startle him.

He grimaced, but one look at the reflection told Kai that he would need to work hard to suppress _all_ facial expressions from ever appearing on this face. Uchiha Tajima looked barely sane as it was. A grimace made him look ready to _kill_. So, with a deep breath, he wiped his face clean of emotions.

For now, he should act in a way that did not scream 'imposter'. Shinobi were paranoid creatures on good days. So how would _Tajima_ act in this situation? Tell the person to go away? Open the door? _Grunt_ like Sasuke? He digs deep into his memory, both Kai's and Tajima's.

Kai may be an avid Naruto fan, but he knows next to nothing about Uchiha Tajima apart from him being a paranoid bastard who was also a child killer. And fanfiction portrays him either as a strict father or an abusive one. Kai, obviously, did not know how to act as a parental figure, and he refuses to be an abusive person despite his misanthropic tendencies. _Refuses_!

So how was Kai, an otaku (_oh Jashin, he would be technology-deprived!_) from the 21st century and far too dependant on the internet, supposed to survive in this era and act like a veteran _shinobi_ who has probably killed more men than the average terrorist back at home?

_Damn it._

Kai was very out of his element right now. But he couldn't just stay here all day long.

With that in mind, he takes a deep breath to calm his social anxiety, slips on a mask he now labels '_Tajimask_', and opens the bathroom door.

A middle-aged otaku Kai may be, but he was first and foremost a notorious hacker heavily wanted by the Interpol, the Cartels, the Triads, the Yakuza,_ and more_. He has had his fair share of dealing with hot-headed crime lords and persistent cops (_behind a screen, of course_) so it was easy to fall back into that state of unsympathetic intolerance.

The person he meets as soon as he opens the door was a woman, no, a young teen who looked no older than _fifteen_, and _gorgeous_ \- with long dark hair that went past her hips, and wide, equally dark eyes that match her fair complexion beautifully. Worn on her body was an elegant, baby blue yukata with blossoming sakura patterns on it. It didn't hide the baby bump from showing.

Tajima's memory told him that this young lady was the original goods' _concubine, _one of the people living here that _had not been poisoned_, which was suspicious as hell, but he was _not thinking about that right now_(!).

Oh, fucking Jashin.

The original goods was truly shameless! How could he marry someone so young?! He already has a (_poisoned_) main wife and a(_n equally poisoned_) mistress. Why would he need another bed warmer?! And why couldn't he remember this young lady's name?!

Tajima, you truly are trash! _Pei pei pei_!

Despite his inner turmoil, Kai's gaze on her was steady and without infliction, watching as her facial expression morph from _serene_ to _shock_ to _horrified_ to _worry_ and back to _serene_ in the blink of an eye.

He was curious about the rapid change of expression, but he put that to the back of his mind, for now, since he was more concerned about the bruises she bore on her person. From what he could gather from Tajima's memory, the original goods just had a night of rough sex with her. Like, _really_ rough sex. As in, strangulation and extreme beatings.

Kai could already feel the tremors of his hands worsening, his anxiety rearing its ugly head. He felt like puking.

"What?" He asks after a minute of pregnant silence, his tone clipped and cold as he was fighting _desperately to hold back the tremors he could feel crawling up his arms, shoulders, and neck_. The woman flinches, ducking her head down.

The motion made her hair shadow most of her features. But it didn't quite manage to hide the fear he could see in her tearful eyes. Kai was the one who wants to cry the most, okay?! Oh, Jashin. If God wanted to throw his soul into Narutoverse, why did it have to be into _Tajima's_ body? He would rather be transmigrated into a faceless, bystander character.

Kai wasn't sure how to portray himself as Tajima, but if _characterization_ involves domestic violence, he was _not_ going to continue even if it would be completely OOC of Tajima to suddenly change overnight. There was no way in hell he would hit a defenseless woman just to secure himself as Uchiha Tajima.

An immoral criminal Kai may be, but he was _not_ a trashy _wife beater_. He may be unsociable and bad-tempered at times, but he was born in an era that supports women's rights and equality. He wants to cry right now!

"I a-apologize for disturbing you, Tajima-sama. But b-breakfast is ready. Will you be p-partaking with us this m-morning?" The young lady (_he needs to somehow obtain her name politely_) stutters, her tone conveying how clearly she fears Tajima.

Seeing how utterly terrified she was, Kai immediately shook his head. "No," he answered. His stomach wasn't in the mood, too.

The young lady discreetly breathed a sigh of relief. If he had agreed, she would have feared for her life. To quickly take her leave, she decides to move the topic to other more concerning matters. "T-there's a healer w-waiting for y-you in your office."

... Fuck. He forgot about that healer. Time to escape.

"Inform her that something came up. I'll be out of the house for the day."

Before the young lady could respond, Kai had already fled through the bedroom's open window.

Kai could only sigh.

_Dear Jashin, please return me to Earth. I'd rather deal with incompetent colleagues than clean up Tajima's shit._

Of course, his wish wasn't granted and he could only gloomily explore his new home. He didn't look back even when he hears soft murmuring start after his departure.

What a shitty morning.

* * *

* * *

**Character Status**

**Name:** Liu Kai / Uchiha Tajima

**Age:** 35 / 20

**Race:** Chinese / Japanese

**Circumstances:** Transmigrated person currently in Narutoverse Warring States Era, entire family poisoned apart from one concubine.

**Goals:** Flawlessly integrate into Tajima's life, become the clan head. Additionally, to find out who poisoned Tajima's family.

**State of mind:** Miserable. Just miserable.

**Standing within the clan:** Prestigious

**Standing within the household:** Precarious

**Standing within the clan's main branch:** Pugnacious

**Latest outstanding accomplishment:** Nearly killed himself via overexposure to human contact.

**Inner complains:** "Why do you look like you want to cry? I'm the one who wants to cry oi!"


End file.
